The Portion of my Inheritance

When we talked on the phone and he told me he had a piano recital that same evening, just a few short hours away, I could not imagine possibly being able to make it. He, living one and a half hour away and his dad being one and a half hour away in another direction.

“It’s ok mom, don’t worry about coming. It’s going to be a long recital and I am only playing one piece.” he said.

I changed the subject. I needed time to process this within my own heart and with my Lord.

When I watched him drive away after his summer job close to home, I knew.

I followed him out to the road and watched him until I could not see him any more, because I knew.

I knew he would not be back.

He had stopped calling our home his some time ago. His home was now an apartment sitting on campus at UTA, in the very center of his life. The road that stretched from that third floor apartment to our front door has become longer and further for him.

It wasn’t just the distance of our dwellings that was so hard. It was the distance of our hearts. Him, pulling and tugging, spreading his own wings, taking the flight of his own life, in his own way.

It had been a series of changes that unfolded before my very eyes. I knew even then that our Lord was shaping and drawing him out. All was right and exactly as it should be, but a mother’s heart tears easily.

He had stopped telling us about his recitals—part of the converting process into manhood—and now I was holding this opportunity within my very hands. If I acted quickly we could make this thing happen. My fingers dialed the number of one who could make or break this mama’s heart.

I explained to Martin, this thread of hope I was clinging to and he packed up his tools and was on his way, just as I knew he would. He is so good like that.

We made it there with thirty minutes to spare. Just enough time to steal precious moments with him, then we walked with our son to the music building.

And everything had been worth the effort. Seeing him. Watching him play the piano suddenly closed the distance and all was right and my heart was full.

Yes, he was right when he said he was only playing one piece. It was a Liszt and when he played he took me away over the past twenty two years.

Hear, my son, and receive my sayings, and the years of your life will be many.  I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in right paths.  When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, and when you run, you will not stumble.  Proverbs 4:10-13

The feeling of a baby moving from within the mother’s womb is an exciting and memorable event.

Being able to share it with your own offspring is an even more remarkable experience.

Watching my daughter Andrea’s belly swell with her second daughter, Aniyah, and sharing all the wonders that involve this miracle of miracles is beyond any expression. Hearing the heartbeat and feeling the movement produces such a thrill of anticipation.

On one particular day Aniyah was being very active. As we were feeling her different body parts that were poking and pushing in different directions, I realized the extent of her miraculous dwelling.

The womb.

Within her abode, she is completely encompassed and protected. Within the walls of that womb, she is safe. The nourishment needed for her growth and health is provided as well. She depends upon it for her very life. There, she is completely wrapped in love.

At this point, outside of the womb she would be weak and vulnerable. At this point, apart from the womb, there very possibly would be no life.

Everything she is, everything she does is within her mother’s womb.

Like . . . living and moving and having her being.

Then I heard the whisper of my Lord, “That’s it!That is what abiding in Me looks like!”

Only when I abide in the womb of His love, only when I abide in the womb of the Trinity-living and moving and having my being, in Him (Acts 17:28). The marvel of it all, only then will I have absolutely everything I will ever need for survival on this earth. Only then will I know the peace that surpasses all understanding.

My very life depends upon it.

As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. John 15:9