I remember it clear.
The exact moment; where I was sitting, the silence that hung thick in the room, the page that was opened in the Holy Scriptures and the flood of emotions that overtook me.
I had been begging God for ages.
The desire had been birthed and the search was on and the prayers had been lifted up repeatedly.
Could You use me Lord? 
I suspected that He didn’t have much to work with and my finite mind could not comprehend Him ever being able to use me at all, and I supposed that I couldn’t be of much use. 
Yet still, there was this ache in my heart and I persisted in the asking and in this moment-His perfect timing-it was there. Not much to the average naked eye, but the aching heart gave way to the vision and I finally saw it clear. 
It would be children. 
Hmmmm, I couldn’t see it.
But He declares it outright, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways.” (Is. 55:8) . . . . 
And it has been these twenty years that the calling came, and He has directed me, nudged me and many times over, comforted me throughout the journey. His faithfulness has been my hedge and His love has been my guide. 
It has not always been easy. The twists and turns and the unexpected can sometimes knock the wind out of you and you are left confused. So I travel once again back to the very first moment, and I ask the same question all over again and He gently pushes me onward. 
And the children? 
They have come in all shapes and sizes, each one with their own beautiful spirits and creative minds and sometimes I marvel and I wonder, Who is teaching who?
And some of the little souls have challenged me beyond myself—and I lift them up—yearning to see them though the eyes of Love Himself. Then He takes me on a journey through His precious promises. He presses them deeper into the folds of my heart and the layers are peeled back for a closer look.
I ponder deeply on the “choices” that my Jesus made-for me. 
He chose to leave His Heavenly Home-His majestic throne–for me.
He chose to be born in a dirty, smelly barn–for me.
He chose to be betrayed, mocked and beaten–for me.
He chose to hang and then die on a cross–for me.
He continually chooses to live and intercede–for me. 
He purposed love. 
It was all about choice for Him. No man could have made Him or forced it upon Him. He chose me.
And I also purpose to choose love. For the choices we make in the moment can come back to nip at your heels and we must choose well. 
There are many that have impacted me and touched my heart in ways that could have only come through the choice of love. I could speak of each one of them with a bursting heart that always open up the flood gates of my soul. 
But one stands tall above the others-Jabez like. He is a grown, godly man now and I see him often. And he always seeks me out. His eyes search mine tenderly, and his speech towards me is gentle and loving and there is a knowing between us two. A knowing about the deep, deep love of Jesus that spilled out and continues to flow from His heart onto two imperfect souls. 
And my Lord, He constantly whispers to me, “Remember, remember, remember!” 
I cling tight and my heart finds satisfaction in the comforts that His love has offered. As I continue to retrace my steps I can now see the prayers that have been poured out and lifted up relentlessly and the answers that came in His perfect time and His faithfulness to those scanty prayers. 
I am so glad that I made the choice to love. 
As I push forward and encounter the precious little lives that He has now entrusted to me, I have purposed . . . .
I will choose love. 
For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty. 1 Cor. 1:26-27
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