Our Lord is so very precious!

His amazing kindness and goodness surrounds us everyday, in everything we do. His tender care of us is always there for us to see, if we would but give Him a chance to reveal His love to us. A love that cares so deeply for every part of our being.

If we would be willing to get to know Him and to spend time with Him, we would see Him everywhere. As you grow to love Him you will learn to recognize Him in every little part of your life. You will grow memories with Him and they will be astounding! If you choose not to spend time with Him you will miss out on the most amazing blessings that your heart could ever imagine.

I have several precious memories with my Lord that I constantly reflect upon. Memories that have grounded me in faith and in His constant love. Memories that have grown me up in Him and have held me steadfast.

This is one of my favorites:

My friend Paula and I have been prayer partners for years. We have shared every part of our hearts with each other through the lifting up to our Lord. Our hearts have been so closely woven together that often times we know that there is a need before it has even been put to voice. It is not unusual for one of us to call the other to find out what is going on because the Lord had put something on our hearts.

My son Kory was up to test for his 2^nd degree black belt. The training and preparations were grueling and extensive. For months he trained several days a week, hours a day for this test. And we were praying.

Testing for a black belt is both physically and mentally exhausting. It is very stressful and overwhelming. There are two parts to this test, the first part is the hardest, it is always on a Friday evening and lasts for several hours. There is a panel of high ranking black belts that watch your every move. Each of them have the right to ask you to do anything at any given moment and you must be prepared for it.

The test always starts with Katas. They begin with the white belt kata and work their way through all the belt levels. There is a 3 strike you’re out rule. No if, ands, or buts, if you miss anything in any kata after 3 times you are asked to leave the mat. You are done.

Kory knew the katas backward and forward. He practiced them constantly but he gave way to the stress during the test and headed straight for disaster. I remember looking at the clock when the katas started and it was around 7. He did the first kata perfect. Second kata went great. Third kata was awesome. But something went wrong on the fourth kata. At one of the turns he turned the wrong way. Now I know that turning the wrong way once is no big deal, I mean if it were up to me I would have let it pass, but they take these things very seriously and it did not go unnoticed.

I saw the face of the head instructor. He saw it and he knew that Kory knew this kata but he could not make an exception for his beloved student.

He asked the group to do the kata again. And Kory turned the wrong way. . . again!

My heart was pounding and all I could think of was; “I need to call Paula and ask her to pray!” But I could not leave my son. I was praying, praying, praying! All the months of training and discipline were about to go down the drain. All his hard work was about to be for nothing!

You could of heard a pin drop in that room when the head instructor asked everyone but Kory to leave the mat. He allowed one upper belt girl to stay. The next few moments moved in slow motion and with every breath that I breathed I offered up desperate prayers.

Finally it was over and he had done it! Everyone was so happy and when the test was over and he had passed the instructor came to us and shook our hand, he said in a relieved voice, “He really had me worried there for a moment, I didn’t think he would make it!”

The first thing I did when I got into our car was to call Paula.

As she answered the phone she immediately said to me, “Peggy! What was going on around 7:00?

I could not believe it! So I told her the story and how I wanted so badly to call her and ask her to pray but couldn’t leave Kory. This is what she said:

“I was cooking dinner around 7 and the Lord told me to stop doing what I was doing and to go pray for Kory.”

She did not know what was going on but she was obedient to the voice of the Lord and prayed for my son. And He heard our cry!

I realize that it may not sound like a big deal to some for him to pass that test. But it was a big deal to Kory and it was to the Lord. He was showing us how much He cared about us, the things that matter to us, the taking care of the details. He was so faithful to our prayers and it grew the faith of every person involved.

“but the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” Jesus~Matthew 10:30

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Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.

1 Corinthians 2:8
Tomorrow I say good-by to my beautiful friend Jo.

Jo diffused the fragrance of Jesus to those around her.

She was always encouraging,

always smiling,

always loving

and always giving of herself.

She was loved by many, and she will be greatly missed.

Jo smelled like Jesus.

And I can only imagine the joy in my beloved Jo’s heart when she heard her Lord say to her,

“Well done, good and faithful servant!”

Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place.

2 Corinthians 2:14

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My precious daughter has always loved shoes. As a toddler she had an eagle eye for shoes; if someone took their shoes off, in a flash she had them on. It didn’t matter how big they were, she would wear them. I have these images of her growing up and the different memories involving shoes.

She would prance around the house in my mother’s high heel shoes, twisting at the ankle, walking on the insides of the shoes, breaking them down and wearing them out.

She would drag her legs, stiff and heavy, slowly making her way wearing her daddy’s cowboy boots or over sized shoes.

And she would often times scoot across the floor, as an ice skater would glide across the ice in her mama’s over sized, fluffy slippers. . . . . .

Shoes just made her happy!

At the magical age of four she developed a serious love for jelly shoes. They were popular in the 80’s and they were made of plastic and they came in all colors and styles,. Some just plain and some with sparkles, glitter that was infused in the plastic. She loved them all!

On one particular shopping expedition, as we entered the store, she immediately spied her beloved jelly shoes and made a bee-line for them. They were in the bottom bin and they were on sale. She could not contain her excitement and immediately started to sort through the shoes. I went through the scattered remnants of the remaining shoes and told her that there were none left in her size, they were all too small. She was heart broke.

So, as I went about my business looking through the clothes racks,

from somewhere behind me I heard this grunting sound and I could not imagine what in the world was going on.  I turned around to look and I could not believe what I was seeing.

My precious daughter was going through the shoes, trying each pair on, stuffing her foot in each shoe, pulling and tugging, grunting and shaking. Her face was red and her hands shook as she tried to force her foot into a shoe that was two sizes too small. She looked like one of Cinderella’s step-sisters trying to force her foot into the glass slipper. She was determined to make the shoe fit.

I could not contain myself, I laughed hysterically as I watched her with those shoes, but even as hilarious as that scene was, it left me with a deep spiritual truth and the Lord has brought it to mind many times.

For this is truth: No matter how badly she wanted it to fit; no matter how much she pulled and tugged; no matter how much she grunted and shook; the plain truth is the shoe did not fit!

We so often desire things, things that are not a fit for us.

We pray. And then we do whatever we want, we go ahead and force the fit. We do not wait for God! We do not really listen to His answer, because we want what we want.

We are determined!

Wearing shoes that don’t fit can be painful and exhausting. It leaves it marks on you and the deep creases stay for a long time. It can cause problems that can last for years, maybe a lifetime.

It was heartbreaking for my four year old to walk away that day without those shoes but her mama knew what was best. And her mama, loving her and wanting the very best for her, took her to a store and bought her a pair of shoes. Shoes that fit perfectly!

And our heavenly Father?

Well, He knows what is best.

He knows the perfect fit for each of us. He will give us our heart’s desires in His perfect time, there will be no grunting, no straining, no shaking and most definitely no forcing.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thought of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

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I pressed my face against the window. Frost zigzagged along the outside of the windowpane, framing it with the icy white fingers that threatened to overtake it. I could feel the coolness of it on my forehead and and it made me shiver deep inside. My palms rested lightly on the window, on either side of my face, stuck, like wet skin against frosted metal, and it held me tight against my will. I was unaware that this moment would be burned in my heart for the rest of my life, branded red hot. These few moments forever deeply scarred and bloody would live so close to the edge of my memory, just skin deep and it feels like just moments ago.

He lay on the front porch, wrapped up in a old roll of carpet like a burrito, shivering as he slept. His head was the only part of him that was exposed, laid back against the slatted boards of the porch. It was winter in the North and the icy cold must have been unbearable.

He was not aware of the eyes that watched him, unable to tear away.

I was well within myself, struggling under the weight that hung heavy on my shoulders as I retraced the steps of the last couple of days. Emotions flooded my mind and I could not move. Even then I could not understand why I took pity on him. Him, coming home drunk to a locked door, no longer welcomed here. And having no where else to go found the only place to lay his head, the only warmth offered to him was that old carpet roll.

Confusion troubled my mind as I watched him sleep. How could someone I trust so much hurt me in this way?

Would I ever not be afraid again?

And then there is the guilt weighing you down like an anchor intertwined to your heart, forever pulling you down, deeper . . and yet deeper still. Guilt sticks to you like old sticky gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe, no amount of scraping could tear away the sticky mess.

I now had a secret, and there is always shame in a secret like this.

A secret that was carried alone for many years and secrets like that are much too heavy for a five year old to carry.

The old carpet roll remained on the front porch, a reminder, but this would be the last time I ever laid eyes on him. After that day he became just a memory, a nightmare stuck in a little girls head and the rewind button played over and over, year after year.

I turned inward.

And upward.

I turned to the only One that I knew I could trust, the only One I knew that would keep my secret.

The weight of a secret like that can stunt your growth, and it crushed me in at times and I questioned Him through the years and I would not give it up. I wanted to understand it, I wanted to see the good that would come of it, and I would not let it go. So I wrestled and over time I prevailed. And He carried me all these years, a child in her Father’s arms, wrapped tightly and tenderly and He never let me go.

I now see clearly the protective arms of Him through it all, the hindsight of looking back and seeing it through different eyes. Eyes that now see everything through her Father’s eyes of love; the locked door, the timing of him leaving, and the moving me on was all apart of my Father’s plan of hedging me in.

Throughout the years I have met others just like me and the wounds run deep and wide throughout. I understand the struggle. Sharing is therapeutic but trusting and leaning on God is the only way to breath. The only healing that can run deep enough.

As I turn to my only source of hope and healing He begins to unravel these ropes that strangle. Ropes that are woven so tightly to the fibers of your life, to your very heart.

And through the unraveling, with each strand I see Him; His truth, His great and precious promises and now that I can see through different eyes and I finally understand the pity.

And then . . . He says it. Just spoke it loud and clear and finally my asking is over. I finally understand the goodness of it all, I finally understand that what men mean for evil, my Father will use for good. (Gen. 5:20)

And I have noticed this common thread among these beautiful daughters of His:

Each has a deep, special relationship with their Lord.

The pain afflicted from one onto another pierces Him deep. He was deeply grieved and hurt by what happened to His daughters, and because of this great affliction, He drew us close, pulling us in just a little tighter. We have become His girls and His tender, loving kindness has blanketed us and He has become our great and strong tower.

And I finally realized that it was all a part of the portion of my inheritance. That affliction has become a part of what shaped me and formed me into the being that I am today. And it drove me straight into His loving arms. And it’s not about what He can give me, it’s about Him giving me Himself and He said it to Abram and I have heard the same whispers myself, gently and tenderly He tells me. “Do not be afraid. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward.” (Genesis 51:1)

HE is my great reward! HE is the portion that I seek! HE is my inheritance!

And if the wounds of my heart are what caused me to to fall back into the Father’s arms then I am glad of it. If it is why He drew me closer in, then I thank my God for this thing that has lead me to my true love. For “we know that all things work together for good to those who love God” (Romans 8:28)

I am eternally thankful for anything that would cause me to turn to the One my heart loves.

And the wounds do heal. The amazing balm of Gilead soothes and the process is sweet, for I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18(NKJ) And it is no longer a crutch or source of pain and confusion. There is victory here, a lifting up of my hands and yelling at the top of my lungs! The victory cry echos throughout my life and the lives of those around me. Yes, the victory is now mine, and that which the enemy meant for my harm, for my destruction, has indeed turned into my good and God’s glory.

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I have always felt like bad weather days are like a free card. Being iced in is like God saying, “Here you go my child, spend this day doing whatever makes you happy.”

No place to be, schedules just crumble and the demands of the outside world cease.

Some of my favorite days.

I still do what I love to do, whether it’s sewing, spinning, knitting or just writing, without things pressing in on me.

But now it’s just so different and the silence of it carries the joy away with it. This empty nest is quiet and it leaves my heart heavy and achy.

The house is still;

No pitter patter of little footsteps, no laughter ringing out from upstairs, no piano playing, music filling the empty corners of our home, no doors slamming from the running in and out, no cuddles on the couch, hunkered down watching our favorite movies . . .

The silence of the outside just spills into our home making the emptiness even more obvious.

They are all grown now, spending this snow day with their own families, making their own memories. They are spending this day doing whatever makes them happy.

He gives snow like wool  Psalm 147:16

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I fall short.

Every time.

And I struggle within my own heart. Uncertainty is a constant companion and I yearn for direction, just laid out in plain sight. No guessing, no divided highways, and no U-turns along the way.

Training them up is hard.

But the glory moments come in Jabez form, a head above the rest. Just standing tall, separated like sheep and goat. It’s in the searching and the remembering that we see it clear. It’s His telling and retelling it; remember . . . remember . . . remember . . .

And my memory serves me well this time and I see Him all those years ago.

He was right there.

He was wrapped up tight in the midst of it.

He was standing with a clear sign.

He was speaking it loud.

He was right there!

And in the turmoil of a mama’s heart, the disappointment and the frustration tried to take over, just blur Him out, but He was not having it. He would not relent.

So I asked Him, “Lord, how do I handle my child? How do I correct and discipline my beloved?”

He did not waste one single moment and He answered me gently with a question.

“My child, how do I discipline you?”

I understand. And His peace comes and wipes away the anger, and I knew the answer was grace. Amazing grace. And I remembered all the rebukes and the corrections, how they always came in the form of love. How they always came with such tenderness that they have become the sweetest moments of my life with Him.

So I hold my child close and whisper forgiveness in their precious ear and I can see the remorse and grief this tender heart feels. Tears of mercy wet my cheeks and I am consumed with His agape love. Total, unconditional, pure, amazing love. The selfless, sacrificial love that can only come from the Father.

Discipline is ‘a training’, and a preparation in the way they should go. The process of conditioning, growing and stretching in the Lord, and He will not leave you to yourself, to your own devices, He will never leave you nor forsake you. It is a partnership and He is the most amazing training partner you could ever find-if you will let Him in. For His love for your child is greater than your own. Deeper than can ever be comprehended.

Train up your child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it.” Prov. 22:6

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My pastor calls it the nasty here and now. The day in and day out drudge of everyday life. The putting one foot forth in front of the other, an intentional act of faith. Daily facing the wickedness that surrounds us and wraps gnarled fingers around our soul and pulls at us, dragging us down and holding us under. It’s the constant and continual struggle of this earth, and it can cause you to lose hope, to just lay down and give up.

But His goodness is here in the land of the living, in our everyday life, but it’s not always found in the grand explosions of life’s miracles.

It’s found in the little things, the mile markers that pave our paths and give us purpose. It’s in the overlooked and the overshadowed. Our days are filled with them but it is in our nature to rush right past, barely brushing them as we zoom by, and we miss them and that is so like us. Our attentions are focused on the unhealthy; the disappointments, the inflicted pain, the rejections, the loses, the fears, and we lose hope. But it is here, if we can stop long enough to truly see His goodness, if we can open our eyes to truth, if we can see past the nasty here and now to see His goodness. His blessings that pour out over us and drip with abundance.

For me, it’s found in . . . . .

the belly laughs caused from gumps tickling his girls.

The still quiet moments that still frame time, imprinting it’s memory deep within our hearts.

Beloved friends, sharing prayers, hopes and dreams. Walking the walk with them, holding up their hands and slipping a rock under them when needed, seeing them through.

A beautiful day spent with family. Every one of them making the journey home and we are all together again.

The Look of joy and delight on a loved ones face.

New discoveries.

It’s found in sunsets, soft falling snow and gentle breezes.

The standing on holy ground, praising our great and awesome Creator. Spending quiet moments with Him. Spilling out love for Him and Him pouring out love over us.

And the plain truth is,“The goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” is more than all the other, far outweighing all of it. It’s about perspective, how you see it and what you see.

Complaining and negativity is habitual and it blinds the heart and the eyes to His blessings.

And when we turn our eyes away from the Lord, we tune our ears to Satan’s lies. We choose to believe a liar over truth Himself. When we do that, the devils lies become our own personal truth, and we lose hope.

Where are your eyes looking? Who are you gazing at? What are you gazing at? Are you looking at the nasty here and now, or are you looking at the millions upon millions of blessings He showers over us every single day?

Let us open our eyes and look up. See the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, and hope!

I would have lost hope if I had not seen the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living.

Psalm 27:13 . . . . . .

Bright beautiful eyes, and the soft tender skin of a baby.

New baby dolls.

dancing.

Sweet treats.

Being silly.

Dressing up and tea parties.

Dancing unto the Lord with abandonment.

The quiet soft breathing of a sleeping child.

and so on . . . . . . .

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It has become my weekly trek of late to make the drive to South Lake, and often times my girls make the journey along side me. This past week turned into an extra shower of blessings as my beautiful daughter shared with me her heart’s treasure, in the form of a dream.

I had just taken the Dallas 114 exit when she said to me, “Mom, have I told you about my Jesus dream?”

A hush fell over the entire truck and the air suddenly shifted. A sweet scent fell heavy upon us and I breathed it in deep. My ears immediately perked up and my eyes sprung open wide with much anticipation. “No you didn’t! Please tell me!”

I looked over at her and she sat quiet for a moment. She had a joyful expression on her face, and a soft smile formed on her lips, like she had a burning secret that she could not contain any longer.

Her, with her gentle quiet spirit, never demanding, never wanting to draw attention to herself, always placing herself in the shadows, deep in the background of her surroundings. But on this day her Lord had given her a very precious gift. He had given her the place of honor, at His right side.

She began to speak and her eyes twinkled at her own memory of it. Joy spilled out with each word, overflowing onto the hearts of us who heard her.

“He looked just like the picture I have of Him and He was wearing a plaid flannel shirt.”

I thought about the fabric of flannel, a much loved choice for me, and also for her too, I suspect. And the thought that Jesus came to her in a way that spoke of comfort and warmth that drew her in and held her close left me breathless. He left no stone unturned for this joy ride. He covered her with His goodness, knowing her hidden heart so well.

“He was in an old beat up pick up and I sat beside Him.”

And isn’t that just like our Lord: I guess we would imaging that the King of kings would most likely be seen in an upscale limousine or at least in the latest style and up to date yearly model. But not Jesus! His idea of luxury and comfort is always found in the form of humility, and she is just like her Lord in that.

As she continued on, my eyes spilled over with tears, the kind that can only come from that deep place of happiness at sharing such an intimate moment with my daughter. I was consumed in the moment and through her words I also was transported inside of that old pick up, watching them both pour out their love onto each other.

“We didn’t talk, I just kept hugging Him over and over and laying my head on Him. I was so happy!”

He took her on her very own mountain top experience. He lavished His love so deeply upon her, filling her so completely that is was now, even several days later spewing out of her.

“At some point He told me that He needed to go and I begged Him to stay longer, and He did.”

I could hear the sadness in her voice as she told this part of her dream. I can only imagine that this would be something that she would want to cling tightly to, never letting go, never wanting to give it up.

“It felt so real! And when I woke up I had this amazing, overwhelming feeling of love and peace and it stayed with me for a long time.”

Aria had been sitting in the back seat, strapped tightly to her booster seat, listening intently as her mamma spoke. Her eyes were wide as she heard her mamma recount her dream, soaking in every detail, hanging onto every word. And when it had been told, Aria spoke with such sincerity and confidence, from the complete security of a small child’s faith.

“It was real mamma! It was real!”

Yes! I tend to agree with Aria. How precious of our Lord to do this for His beloved. He always comes to His children in the unexpected, in such a personal, intimate way, touching the deepest part of us, the places where only He can reach. Always loving, always tender, always just plain perfect.

The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying; “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” Jeremiah 31:3

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Out of the gaping wounds of our heart come much joy. The beauty for ashes that cover us so completely and spills out onto others that carry the same scars.

In His great goodness and with His perfect love He draws hearts together, giving strength to those unified under Him. 

He intends for us to minster to each other, pouring out hearts and holding each other up, just as “iron sharpens iron.”

And for those who hear the calling and answer, “Here I am Lord, send me”, experience the blessings a hundred fold.

I would like to introduce you to my beautiful friend Kris.

Who through her pain and deep sorrow looked up and found a God that loved her and carried her through the deepest time of her life.

She has used her pain to reach out and minister to others just like herself, each struggling within themselves to make sense of it all.

It is only found in the daily bread, this healing place, and Kris serves the manna with a beautiful, gracious spirit, and she serves it within the Charlie Jars. Bringing hope to mother’s everywhere with the promises of the Lord, bringing a daily dose of encouragement and love.

This was my amazing friends gift to me on my birthday. A Charlie Jar, to bless and encourage me with the hope that she has found in His promises.

She shares her heartbreaking story in her book “Battle Cry” and tells of healing found only in our Jehovah Rapha-The Lord that Heals.

Stop by Kris’ website:  http://agirlandsomehope.com/

And if you or anyone that you know needs hope and healing, check out the Charlie Jars.

http://www.charliejars.com/

Jer. 15:16

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I am celebrating today.

These 24 years just flew by. The blink of an eye.

And I ponder the years deep.

The joy of you.

You, knowing how to make me laugh, from the early years you knew how to do that, and I smile at just the thought of you.

And I wonder if you truly understand the miracle of you.

How the Lord used you.

It was you that He used to show me what true sacrifice really meant.

They laying down for Him.

The letting go for Him.

It was through you that He drew me closer to Him.

It was through you that I learned the deep trusting of Him.

The waiting and the searching of Him.

The sweetness of Him.

And Proverbs 29:17 has always been your verse, because you have always been exactly what our Lord intended you to be. “A delight to the soul.”

For it has always been your heart that I have loved the most.

A heart always desiring to be pleasing to his Lord, always seeking and searching Him out.

A heart that loves deep.

A heart that encourages.

A heart that has endured much and has prevailed.

A heart that worships through the music that his Lord gave him, your beauty for ashes.

A heart so big that the chest needed to be expanded to contain it.

My tears fall today over the joy of celebrating you.

Thank you son for teaching me so much and for being a constant example of His love. Happy Birthday!

Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul. Proverbs 29:17

Photos by: Olan Mills, Gilbert Valdez

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